I am tired. Not because what I am doing around here, not because the driving and clothes collection and promotion boring stuff … or for the fact that today I am cleaning dinning room al day and dishwashing for the school and seems like cooking also … but I am tired due to the distance.
If i can bear this 5 months and 6 days I will be able to do everything I want. We are going to be able actually. Because there is no me now, it is us.
I am learning things around here, about me, about caring, about missing, about feelings. Orsi, if you ever read this you have to know that what I told you regarding feelings and emotion was true. I was not able to understand the word. But I am learning, you should be proud of me.
What I am trying to say is that is actually exhausting to have a relation like I have. I need to find the balance point for this. So … not to be too demanding, and find the power to be supporting. Try to understand that for her is not easy there and try not to be a burden and not to make things even more difficult.
And sometime I don’t know how to do it and sometimes actually can’t. I become selfish and demanding. Not controling, or at least I think so.
So, yes, I am tired, and it is exhausting, but I am happy. Happy and tired. And definitely in love and therefore sometimes I am just completely idiot and stupid and …well …what can I do ?